"Where's the Duct Tape!?"

I had one of those days. You know, the kind where I knew I could fit everything in if I skipped my run this morning. (I guess I should have predicted the way this day would turn out when I eliminated my one stress-relieving activity of the day.) However, I figured I'd get in enough exercise for the day since I wasn't planning on sitting down except to drive my van to and from the school 3 times. The day started out great (besides skipping the run) because not only did I get my grocery shopping done, I actually restitched the binding onto Blankie, which probably saved Jace's life since he was using Blankie as a cape by forcing his head through one of the holes in the loose binding.
Groceries and Non-asphyxiating Blankie. Check. Check.
Picked up two Kindies from school. Kindies play. I clean the kitchen to make lunch and a two service-oriented dinners. Check on Jace. Here's where I inject and share some things I've learned during Jace's short lifetime.

1. For me, Patience is like Humility: Just when you think you've got it, you realize you don't. OR, rather, just when you think you've got it, your 1 year old turns 2.

2. A bottle worth's of syrup is very difficult to clean off the carpet. But not nearly as difficult or stinky as a half-gallon's worth of milk.

3. A half bottle's worth of shampoo dumped in the shower doesn't ACTUALLY make a bathtub cleaner. It does, however, create an EXCELLENT faux ice-skating rink. This theory has carefully been tested independently by two my oldest and youngest scientists in entirely uncontrolled environments. Both came to the same conclusion.

4. A tube of toothpaste, when squirted on the floor makes the carpet white. In several places. The cool thing about this experiment is, that after 24 hours and with various foot-traffic, those white spots magically turn black. Always.

5. Alternately, a tube of BLUE toothpaste, when squirted on the counter, and on Cars cars, and on cabinets, and on side tables, and on little boys, will stay blue. Always.

6. It takes 1 minute for a 2-year-old to squirt a half-bottle's worth of shampoo all over a bathtub and bath rug. Oddly enough, it takes barely any more time than that to squirt one-and-a-half-bottles' worth of shampoo on the carpet, and the bed, and the filing cabinet, and a book, and some papers, and the cupboard door, and the counter, and the toilet, and the linoleum. Oh, and in a person's hair. And on their clothes. It takes substantially longer than that to clean it up.

7. A freshly-bathed 2-year-old can pee up to three times in the hallway on the way to his bedroom.

8. When one-and-a-half-bottles of shampoo gets squirted on the carpet, even though it's steam-cleaned but with the right amount of foot-traffic, will magically turn black. Always. (This is actually in the hypothesis stage. Let's call it Hypothesis #1. Experiment in progress.)

9. There is always an experiment in progress. Theory #1.

10. Green crayons are pretty when used on paper. But not NEARLY as pretty as when used on a table, a kitchen counter, a remote control holder, an end table, and the couch.

Let me catch my breath.

OK. Back to my day...When I went to check on Jace, I found Experiment #6 in progress, even though Experiments #3 and #5 were both tested within the past week. He's very thorough. This experiment actually concluded with Experiment #7, and, I imagine, Hypothesis #1. Nap time. Taught piano lessons. Nap time over. Made bread. Finished Dinner. Second round of testing for Experiment #5. Slight Variation: blue with white and red swirls. Start Experiment #10. Pause to deliver dinners. Eat Dinner. Resume Experiment #10. Pause for 2-year-old to sharpen crayon. "Woah, you can sharpen crayons?!" my oldest scientist exclaims. Theory #1 confirmed. Label that Experiment #11 and add it to the list. Most of the Crayon shavings actually make it into the garbage. Experiment #11 considered a success by scientists' biggest critic--Mom. Conclude Experiment # 10. Bed time. Steam clean carpet. Clean bathroom. Comment from husband, "I don't think I really liked that shampoo anyway," makes me feel happier. Finish cleaning. Blog and catch my breath.

This post is dedicated to my mom, who often threatened to tie us up with Duct tape when we were doing our own experiments as kids. Now I understand what she was feeling when she would exclaim, "Where's the Duct Tape?" She only wanted to sit and catch her breath.